Between Love and Duty Series
by Kelly Mullins
Summary: The Entire Between Love and Duty Series. I'm marking this as complete, though I may add more parts it can be considered complete after each story as they are meant to stand alone too.
1. What Do I Have to Do?

Title: What Do I Have to Do?  
Author: Kelly Mullins  
E-Mail: Kelly.Mullins@verizon.net  
Web: http://www.geocities.com/musicgrl72/kellyf.html  
Archive: SJ yes, Helio yes  
Rating: PG13 for language and mild teeny 'make her happy' references.  
Spoilers: D&C , and very small for Upgrades.  
Sequel: Put Your Arms Around Me to follow.  
Summary: Jack reflects with the help of a song and an eccentric restaurant.  
Keywords: S/J UST... song fic... Jack's POV  
Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by Stabbing Westward.  
Authors Notes: The song is 'What Do I Have to Do' by Stabbing Westward... it's kinda suicidal sounding... dark, bleak, hopeless.  
Thank You: Jay and Cathey from SJ chat!!  
  
What Do I Have to Do?  
By. Kelly Mullins  
  
Today was hell, plain and simple. Our mission was hellish, the debriefing was hellish and of course my time spent with Doc Fraiser was well... hellish. I down the drink the waiter hands me and tell him to fetch me another, I chose this restaurant because it caters to the younger, more eccentric crowd- no chance of ever seeing someone from work here, and of course all of their music matches my dark mood. A new song starts sounding like something from the late 60's and then changes, I hear the words and hang my head... this is *my* song about *my* life.   
  
*You make it hard to breathe  
It's as if I'm suffocating  
And when you're next to me  
I can feel your heartbeat through my skin  
It makes me sad to think  
This all could be for nothing  
I wish there was a way  
For you to see inside of me  
I've never felt this way  
About anyone or anything*  
  
The mission was like most others: trees, animals, friendly folks... but then it started to rain, and it got cold and we had to sleep in the rain as the Stargate had been buried under water and debris from a flash flood. The earlier mentioned 'friendly folks' ran off somewhere saying the rain was their punishment for talking to us 'outsiders'. So there we were, freezing our asses off and soaking wet with no way of getting to the Stargate or changing into warmer clothing. So Carter got the brilliant idea of conserving body heat by sharing sleeping bags, that was all fine and dandy with me, I would take Daniel and Carter could get toasty with Teal'c, of course that wasn't to be. Teal'c and Daniel were out before Carter and I could turn around, and I thought Teal'c meditated or something instead of sleeping.  
So there I was with the woman I have 'feelings' for pressing up against me in all the right... er wrong places. She was warm, very warm, and I could feel her breath against my neck, it just made my shivering worse; I could tell she was asleep, but of course I couldn't allow myself that, she doesn't know how much I truly want her and I didn't want my body to betray me more than it already had. I love Sam, more than she knows, or maybe she does know and she's just humouring me by sticking around and playing the perfect Major; not straying too far from me, but definitely keeping her distance. I can never have her and I know that, I really know that. The waiter finally comes with my drink, he's kindly brought two this time, I give him a weak smile and look out the window across the dark restaurant to the palpable darkness beyond, it's raining here just as it was on the planet, only here I have no chance of being with Sam, I'm not good enough for her, I have no chance of loving her as I'd like to.  
  
*What do I have to do  
to make you happy?  
What to I have to do  
To make you understand?  
What do I have to do  
To make you want me?  
And if I can't make you want me  
What do I have to do?*  
  
We got home about five hours ago, it took a very long time of showering and blow drying and re-showering before I was confident that I had gotten rid of all the mud that had found it's way into places I don't even want to think about. Sam and I had woken up simultaneously this morning on that planet, the look of horror when she opened her eyes to meet mine was one of the most painful things I've ever witnessed, true we were tangled up precariously but her eyes... she thought we had crossed that line, the one we've both pulled ourselves far away from. Ya know, that whole Zat'arc thing gave me some strange sense of hope, that Sam might really have feelings for me, and even though we could never act on those feelings it was nice to know that when I go out there I'm going with someone who truly cares about me. But now I'm not so sure, we've grown apart, we bicker more and she seems to be spending less and less personal time around me. I've let her down, I let my judgment be clouded by my feelings for her and now I'm paying for it with the friendship and unrequited love I have for Sam, she's disappointed in me, I could see it on her face during her retest with the Zantac detector- I am not the perfect Colonel she thought I was, I didn't do what was the best for the team, I did what I wanted to do and that was die with the woman I love, I understand why she's disappointed in me.  
  
*I know exactly what you're thinking  
But I swear this time I will not let you down  
I'm not as selfish as I used to be  
That was a part of me that never made me proud  
Right now I think I would try anything  
Anything at all to keep you satisfied  
God I hope you see what loving you would do to me  
All I want is one more chance, so tell me  
What do I have to do to make you love me?*  
  
I want to love her, but considering her reaction to finding herself tangled with me this morning, I believe I am on the bottom of her totem poll. The rest of the mission today was mainly unburying the Stargate from under the massive amount of mud and rubble, Sam never even looked at me... and I sure as hell tried to get her to. I wanted to see her smile, to hear her laugh... that sweet snicker she tries to hide. I wonder what it would take to get her to want me, to need me, to make her truly happy. I don't know, but I'm willing to take the rest of my life to find out, I don't know what else to do with my life any longer, without her I have found I am a dull, lifeless person who sits in dark restaurant surrounded by people 30 years younger than me, I'm at the end of my rope and have found I can't climb back up with out her help.  
  
*What do I have to do  
to make you happy?  
What to I have to do  
To make you understand?  
What do I have to do  
To make you want me?  
And if I can't make you want me  
What do I have to do?*  
  
END!! SEND FEEDBACK! 


	2. Put Your Arms Around Me

Title: Put Your Arms Around Me  
Author: Kelly Mullins  
E-Mail: kelly.mullins@verizon.net  
Web: http://www.geocities.com/musicgrl72/kellyf.html  
Archive: SJ yes, Helio yes  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: CotG, Upgrades, D&C, BtS  
Sequel: This is the Sequel to What Do I Have to Do?  
Summary: Sam reflects with the help of a song and her car.  
Keywords: S/J UST... song fic... Sam's POV  
Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by Texas  
Authors Notes: The song is 'Put Your Arms Around Me' by Texas.  
Thank You: Jo for suggesting I do this, and everyone else who sent me feedback for the first one.  
  
Put Your Arms Around Me  
By. Kelly Mullins  
  
There's something I will never understand about transplanetary weather patterns. It always seems to be raining on Earth when we get back from a particularly difficult mission, but if we've had a good productive mission the sun will be shining high in the sky. It's happened on numerous occasions and today is no exception.  
The torrential rain is pounding against the roof of my car as I drive through the crowded streets of Colorado Springs, its sound is my only companionship other than the radio I mindlessly turned on as I left Cheyenne Mountain. I'm driving away from there, but I'm not going home, right now I just want to be free, not Major Carter... just for a little while I want to be Sam. No responsibilities, no regulations.  
  
*Are you ready maybe, are you willing to run  
Are you ready to let yourself drown  
Are you holding your breath  
Are you ready or not*  
  
When did my life get so complicated? Looking back I know it was the day I walked into the briefing room at the SGC and challenged my CO to arm wrestle. Stupid stupid girl that I am, I didn't let it stop there, over the last four years I have allowed myself to become dangerously close to him.  
  
*Are you ready maybe, do you long to confess  
Do you feel that you're already numb  
Are you sure of yourself  
Would you lie if you're not*  
  
I believe that we both harbour feelings for one another, according to the Zatarc testing we do, but what does it matter that he 'cares' for me? I am in love with Colonel Jack O'Neill, a wonderful man and of course my commanding officer- he couldn't have possibly let himself go as much last night as I did. Last night, I was incredibly distressed over the fact that they had actually listened to my suggestion, I didn't say it so I could sleep with O'Neill, I know that's what he probably thinks, but I would have happily taken Teal'c or even Daniel over him because they're safer for me- they are my loving brothers.  
  
*You tire me out  
Don't want to let that happen  
A secret screams so loud  
Why did you let that happen*  
  
These last few months have been so tense between all of us. I'm tried of this skirting around the issue, we were forced to confess that our feelings are less than professional- Teal'c knows it, Janet knows it, and no one seems to really want to confront it. It needs to be though, because things are only getting worse between the two of us and I don't know how much longer I can go on like this, there have been so many times I wish our little excursion to PX9-757 never happened, that we had never had to stand there on opposite sides of the force shield and know that we were both going to die right then and there- no chances for any comfort, any resolution. He was willing to die because I had no way out.  
  
*So put your arms around me  
You let me believe that you were someone else  
Cause only time can take you  
So let me believe that I am someone else*  
  
I wish that just once our lives could be simple- no Stargate, no aliens, and no saving the world. These titles, our ranks are just meaningless facades imposed upon us by the government, our Air Force... and we've gone by them, obeyed their implied meanings and kept our feelings in check.   
  
*Maybe are you ready to break  
Do you think that I push you too far  
Would you open yourself  
Are you reckless or not*  
  
But this morning I woke up and found myself tangled with him, we were soaking wet, the rain hadn't let up all night and even everything in our supposedly waterproof packs was soaked. I was snuggled up with him in the most inappropriate manner with my arms wrapped tightly around his waist and I was happy... until I woke up and realised it wasn't another dream, and I was disappointed in myself and in him- even keeping warm was not an option for us. I stayed away from him all day today, while we were on the planet unburying the 'gate and even after we got back to Earth... I just couldn't let him know that I let him down.  
  
*You tire me out  
Don't want to let that happen  
A secret screams so loud  
Why did you let that happen*  
  
Why does this always seem to happen to me? I can never fall for a guy that is perfect, available, and not my CO, never happened, I've had a crazy one, an alien one, and even the CO I'm currently stressing over. Why me? A car cuts me off to get into a restaurant parking lot, I realize I haven't had anything to eat in the five hours we've been back and follow them into the less than crowded parking lot- I guess no one wants to eat at this hour, just pathetic people like me out looking to forget the bosses they're in love with and the myriad of reasons they can't have him.   
  
*So put your arms around me  
You let me believe that you were someone else  
Cause only time can take you  
So let me believe that I am someone else*  
  
There was once a time when I could have Jack O'Neill... and even then we merely admitted our feelings for one another and did what we needed to do, not for the good of us but for the good of everyone else. We can't keep this up forever, one of these days we're going to have to take the plunge and be selfish. If Jona and Thera had been allowed to spend time in peace and not have to take down the people on the surface they would have gotten together, we *are* Jona and Thera, why does everything have to be so different when we're acting as Jack and Sam, O'Neill and Carter, Colonel and Major? I want to be someone else, even if it isn't forever, I would like to be someone else.  
  
*So put your arms around me  
So put your arms around me  
And Make me believe  
Take me, take me somewhere, somewhere  
And Let me believe  
Cause only time can take you. So stop*  
  
The radio goes to commercial as I park and get out... tonight I want to forget Jack O'Neill, I want loud music, greasy food, and no recognition- that's exactly what I think this place can offer me.  
END! Send Feedback!! 


	3. I Want You

Title: I Want You  
Author: Kelly Mullins  
E-Mail: kelly.mullins@verizon.net  
Web: http://www.geocities.com/musicgrl72/kellyf.html  
Archive: SJ yes, Helio yes  
Rating: PG13  
Spoilers: D&C, BtS  
Sequel: This is the Sequel to 'What Do I Have to Do?' and 'Put Your Arms Around Me'  
Summary: There once was an Agent named Mulder... oh wait wrong show.  
Keywords: S/J UST... song fic... Jack and Sam's POVs  
Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by Madonna  
Authors Notes: The song is 'I Want You' by Madonna  
Thank You: Anyone who sent feedback.  
  
I Want You  
By. Kelly Mullins  
  
The place is dark when I walk in, there are quite a few teenagers milling around, but I like the atmosphere. A new song comes on as I go to find a table in the near darkness, the pulsating of the intro driving me. I sit down and a black clad waiter comes over to take my drink order, I take the plunge and order vodka... no sense being sober tonight.  
  
*I want you the right way  
I want you, but I want you to want me too,  
Want you to want me baby  
Just like I want you*  
  
Is every musician on the planet working against me tonight? Yes! So I'll admit it, I think I already have, but I love Jack O'Neill and yeah I do want him, okay? So leave me alone!  
-----  
*I'll give you all the love I want in return  
But half a love is all I feel, sweet darling  
It's too bad, it's just too sad  
You don't want me no more  
But I'm gonna change your mind  
Some way, somehow*  
  
My brain is kinda fuzzy, and I know why, that damn waiter has been bringing me shot after shot of Jack Daniels, I'm starting to see Sam every where, there was a chick that just walked through the door that looked like her. I can't get her out of my mind, she's beautiful and smart, way smarter than me, but I'm okay with that, she's saved my ass so many times I owe her big time. But today she made it more than clear that Za'tarc testing or not she doesn't want or need anything from me. Just once it would be nice to have her wake up in my arms with a happy look on her face instead of the horror and shock of this morning.  
------  
*I want you the right way  
I want you, but I want you to want me too,  
Want you to want me baby  
Just like I want you*  
  
I'm cold, still haven't gotten over the freezing rain of yesterday and today, even with the 30 minute shower, I was almost late for the briefing. I was so warm this morning when I woke up in the Colonel's arms. I would like to bask in that feeling sometime, nothing to worry about, no team members to consider, that would be a dream come true- but of course that's all it is, a dream. The dream is my favourite thought lately- I'm in the military, he's in the military, and SG-1 is still intact but what's different is that we're together, I get to wake up in his arms every morning and so much more. The waiter brings me my drink and I down it, he goes and brings me another, he then sits down with me.  
"Hi, I'm Shawn." He says kindly. "What's your name?"  
"Thera." I answer quickly- no responsibilities, no regulations.  
--------------------  
*One way love is just a fantasy  
To share is precious, pure and fair  
Don't play with something you should cherish for life  
Oh baby, don't you wanna care?  
Ain't it lonely out there?*  
  
Our mission was a bust all the way around, no helpful people, no technology haphazardly left behind by anyone, and it somehow got Sam upset with me. I know I do a lot of things that make her mad, horrible things that hurt her, time and time again I seem to screw up when it comes to her. I guess I'm just hiding how I feel, acting out maybe, but dammit I love the woman and I *can't* tell her and even if I could I don't think it would be reciprocated, her career is important to her. When we were on P3R-118 there was nothing more than the threat on our lives stopping us from being together, but would being together as Jona and Thera be the same as being together as Jack and Sam? I wish I had had the time to find out, but no, our memories had been tossed back at us and I was stuck with an unfulfilled need. My waiter comes toward me and I am pleased to see he is carrying my food and not any more Jack Daniels, I have realised that being drunk only makes me think of her more.  
-------------------------------  
*I want you the right way  
I want you, but I want you to want me too,  
Want you to want me baby  
Just like I want you*  
Shawn is trying to make me feel better, I must look pretty bad for him to know how bad everything seems to me right now. Hearing him call me Thera has somehow perked me up more than anything he's actually 'said', she was more of a free soul, all she wanted to do was heat the green house more effectively, she could have cared less about the Air Force, she had never even seen the surface of her planet. Brenna was the one person she had to answer to and she was always pleased to serve, life with those memories was a whole lot more simple than life with *my* memories.  
"Come on Thera, you can't be having that bad of a time, you're a pretty woman, fun to talk to and now you're acting like one of my other customers. He's in here all the time, always depressed about something, just sits in the back downing shots of Jack Daniels." I look up when he says this. "He's older than most of the regulars that come around here, maybe he doesn't want to be recognised, he's never said anything more than his order to me."  
"I'm older than most of the people here, does that make me depressed about something?"  
"Well aren't you?"  
"Hey, that's not the point here."  
"Why don't you go talk to him, you could wallow in self pity together or something." Shawn suggests and for some reason, probably the alcohol, I find myself standing and following him through the restaurant.  
------------------------  
*I want you the right way  
I want you, but I want you to want me too,  
Want me baby, just like I want you.*  
  
My waiter's coming my way again and I haven't ordered anything. I realise he's got someone following him and nearly pass out. I know I'm not *that* drunk, Sam really is walking towards me. I managed to get my wobbly legs to support me as I stand.  
"Uh hi." I state awkwardly.  
"Hi." Carter answers.  
"This is Thera, she's new and I thought you two might be good company for one another." The kid says, buddy you haven't got half a clue do you. I realise the name he gave me is hers but not *hers* and she lowers her eyes at being caught in a lie.  
"I'm Jona," I state getting her attention real fast. "Just Jona." The guy leaves us alone and Sam... er Thera, sits across from me at my booth.  
"So..."  
"So..." I meet her eyes dead on for the first time and we both know exactly what the other is doing here, we're here drowning our sorrows for each other. We want each other and it's become a little more likely that for once we're going to get what we want.  
-------------  
*I want you, the right way  
Want me baby  
Don't play with something you should cherish for life*  
-----------  
END!! 


	4. Sweetest Day

Title: Sweetest Day  
Author: Kelly Mullins  
E-Mail: kelly.mullins@verizon.net  
Web: http://www.geocities.com/musicgrl72/kellyf.html  
Archive: SJ yes, Helio yes  
Rating: PG13... you can read into it as far as you want and see whatever you think is going on behind the music.  
Spoilers: BtS, D&C, Entity, ItLoD, WoO  
Sequel: This is the Sequel to 'What Do I Have to Do?', 'Put Your Arms Around Me', and 'I Want You'. This comes before 'Fear'.  
Summary: Let's get it on.  
Keywords: S/J UST... song fic... Jack's POV  
Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by Control Freq  
Authors Notes: The song is 'Sweetest Day' by Control Freq. My sincerest apologies to Control Freq if I transcribed any of the lyrics wrong but I looked for 6 days for lyrics and didn't find them.   
Thank You: Anyone who sent feedback  
  
Sweetest Day  
By. Kelly Mullins  
We sit and stare at one another for a while, I wish she would say something, but I too am at a loss for words.  
"Sir..." She says, probably hoping to goad me into talking.  
"Not tonight." He says. "We're not them, those people we were out there in the rain today. We're Jona and Thera, the ones that were left beneath the surface." I'm stunned by my own words, I never thought I'd be one to dent our 'real' lives. Suddenly the music stops and I realize the place has cleared out around us. "I think it would be a good idea if we got out of here so they can close up." I lay down a few dollars on our table, enough to cover both of our bills and grabbing her hand, I pull her out to the parking lot. "You drive, I took a cab."  
Carter's dumbfounded to say the least. I know what she meant by calling herself Thera. To both of us, Jona and Thera represent people free of the manacles of duty and responsibility. She understands what's going on when she unlocks and starts her car with me sitting in the passenger seat.  
  
*If there were words as large as my love I'd say them. If there were notes as beautiful as you I'd play them.  
And if I could make the world stop for you I'd do it, take your hand, ease your pain and get you through it.  
Today is the sweetest day to be with you.*  
  
Her radio's on, pouring soft music into the vehicle, a sharp contrast to the noisy restaurant we've spent our evening in. We've strangely come together tonight, somehow even in this vast city that we live in, we chose the same obscure teen hangout to drown our sorrows in. Today started out bad, but I think it's starting to become a lot better.  
  
*God only knows how you would praise me, but words can not describe how you amaze me. If I could conquer all your fears for you I'd show you, that I'm the one, I'll lead the way just like I told you.*  
  
I stare at her as I realize she's driving to my house, I guess it's always good to get the crazy man out of your car before going home. I don't understand how a woman can be so smart and beautiful and yet still find time to save the world on an almost weekly basis. I may be the leader of SG-1, but she is definitely the brains behind the operation.  
  
*Today is the sweetest day to be with you  
Today is the sweetest day I ever ever had  
'Cause you're mine  
Today is the sweetest day I ever ever had  
In my time  
Today is the sweetest day I ever ever had  
'Cause you're mine*  
  
The ride to my place was so short I don't even remember why I took a cab, oh yeah, it was raining Jaffa and Goa'uld. 'Thera' parks her car in my driveway and follows me inside, sweet. The radio on in my living room betrays my enjoyment of super sappy music, it's actually the same radio station that was on in her car. I pull her into my arms after the door is closed, this is what's going to happen and there's no stopping it. I think this is what this hellish day has been building up to- the two of us in each other's arms again... only this time we're not going to have an audience and this time we're not stopping until we're both happy with what's happened.  
  
*Could I have failed to let you know how much you mean to me. Is there someway I could show you, a way to make you see.  
Everything I do I do for you  
Everything I do I do for you*  
  
I tug off her jacket and toss it to the floor, it is soon joined by mine and the rest of our clothing. I know I've failed her on more than one occasion but with Jona's freedom I hope to fully make up for all of my shortcomings and help her got over the fact that I have been a bitter disappointment for her over the last few years. We're frantic to get at each other in my living room, both of us needing to know that we are no longer alone and that we're needed by something more important than Earth's entire population.   
  
*Today is the sweetest day  
Today is the sweetest day I ever ever had  
'cause you're mine  
Today is the sweetest I ever ever had day  
'cause you're mine.*  
  
Hastily our hands and mouths rove over one another, I look into her eyes and see nothing but hunger and need. So swiftly do we move together that I forget all the basic principals of being polite and waiting, we don't have time to slow this down, all we've got is tonight to fool ourselves that we're still Jona and Thera.  
  
*If there were words as great as my love I'd say them, if there were notes as beautiful as you I'd play them. And if I could make the word stop for you I'd do it, take your hand, ease your pain and get you through it.*  
  
Wow, is the only thing I can think of as we pick ourselves up off the floor and head for my bedroom. We collapse onto the bed for a while and just let our breathing return to normal as we kiss and stroke one another. I think of how many ways I've seen her down, distraught, and completely out of it- many of those my fault or somehow related to some action by me. Her infestation by that evil Tok'ra Jolinar, Martouf's death, and her infestation by the Entity only a couple of months ago- hell I *killed* her.   
  
*God only knows how you would praise me but words can not describe how you amaze me. Misunderstandings, bitter tastes, hurtful words spoken in haste.  
may I tell you now that life without you is no life at all. You are my love and that is all. And that is all.*  
  
I love Sam Carter, and I even love all of that scientific techno-babble she's always spouting. I seek out her mouth, kissing her soundly, much better now that she will forever have these memories and much better because she has plenty of time to act and to react. I promise her this time that it is going to be better, slower, as romantic as I can possibly get with out candles, roses, and wine.  
  
*Today is the sweetest day I ever ever had  
'cause you're mine  
Today is the sweetest day I ever ever had  
In my time  
Today is the sweetest day I ever ever had  
'cause you're mine  
Today is the sweetest day I ever ever had  
In my time  
Today is the sweetest day.*  
END!!! PLEASE SEND FEEDBACK! 


	5. Fear

Title: Fear  
Author: Kelly Mullins  
E-Mail: kelly.mullins@verizon.net  
Web: http://www.geocities.com/musicgrl72/kellyf.html  
Archive: SJ yes, Helio yes  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: D&C, BtS  
Sequel: This is the Sequel to 'What Do I Have to Do?', 'Put Your Arms Around Me', 'I Want You', and 'Sweetest Day'  
Summary: The Aftermath  
Keywords: S/J Romance... song fic... Sam's POV  
Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by Sarah McLachlan  
Authors Notes: The song is 'Fear' by Sarah McLachlan  
Thank You: Anyone who sent feedback  
  
FEAR  
By. Kelly Mullins  
Hours later, after the passion has subsided and the afterglow settles over us like a cloud, we're content to just lay in each others arms. The house isn't quiet, the radio in the living room has been left on, and as it's the only sound I hear, I'm compelled to listen.  
  
*Morning smiles  
like the face of a newborn child  
innocent unknowing.  
Winter's end  
promises of a long lost friend  
speaks to me of comfort.*  
  
Not quite morning yet, but soon I know the harsh light of day will break and we will no longer be able to pass ourselves off as Thera and Jona. I snuggle down closer to the man next to me, I like his bed, it's very comfortable, not exactly what you'd expect from a man like him, but I guess there are always surprises...  
"You awake?" He asks, softly kissing my head.  
"Yes." I give him an encouraging rub on his flank.  
"We're not them, are we?"  
"Nope, they don't exist anymore, only us." He pulls me tighter into his arms.  
  
*But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
here in this lonely place  
tangled up in our embrace  
there's nothing I'd like  
better than to fall  
but I fear I have nothing to give*  
  
Why can't we just be a normal couple? Last night we went against everything that we believe in, we broke all the rules regarding unprofessional conduct... a couple of times. And oddly enough, even knowing that my career is over I'm content to just lay here with him, knowing that we both wanted this to happen... and both of us knowing that 'It wasn't me' is not a viable excuse. We've got an air of hopelessness about us, what we did was wrong, but we're not going to stop doing it, and we know there is nothing we can do to save ourselves.   
  
*Wind in time  
rapes the flower trembling on the vine  
nothing yields to shelter it  
from above  
they say temptation will destroy our love  
the never ending hunger*  
  
Both Jack and I have been taken, pushed together not only by our own desires but by those of others as well- those who did not want us together. The negative pressure was what got us last night. We aren't supposed to even see each other outside of work, but the SGC is different, we're on teams who spend every waking moment together. It's not like they truly thought we could stay away from one another for so long, we confessed our 'care' for each other almost a year ago. We *can* control ourselves, we just don't want to anymore.  
  
*But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
here in this lonely place  
tangled up in our embrace  
there's nothing I'd like  
better than to fall*  
  
These last couple of months have been hard on us, we've been on brutal missions and have had very little down time. Even Daniel and Teal'c have been moody lately, Daniel hasn't even hooked up with an alien woman in quite a while. We've made ourselves happy, therefore making SG-1 a more productive team. We will not let this pull our team apart, the fate of the world depends on our ability to do our jobs, and we will do them, putting our personal feelings aside just as we've always done, and saving Earth, it's all we can do.  
  
*But I fear  
I have nothing to give  
I have so much to lose  
I have nothing to give  
We have so much to lose.*  
  
Our feelings confessed and actions taken, there's no way to stop our future from rising from the darkness and attacking us. But what ever happens- court marshals, reprimands, alien abduction; we will face it together, it will not pull us apart and destroy us.  
END! SEND FEEDBACK!! 


	6. Nice

Title: Nice  
Author: Kelly Mullins  
E-Mail: kelly.mullins@verizon.net  
Web: http://www.geocities.com/musicgrl72/kellyf.html  
Archive: SJ yes, Helio yes  
Rating: PG  
Spoilers: Illusion to 2010  
Sequel: This is the Sequel to 'What Do I Have to Do?', 'Put Your Arms Around Me', 'I Want You', 'Sweetest Day' and 'Fear'  
Summary: Daniel, a song, a restaurant, and his friends.  
Keywords: S/J Romance, Daniel/Janet UST.. song fic... Daniel's POV.  
Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by THISWAY  
Authors Notes: I would like to apologize to everyone for my transcription of these lyrics... they were no where to be found on the internet so I set my CD player to repeat and after listening to the song about 60 times I came up with 4 different versions of what they could possibly be saying... I chose the one that made the most sense and that fit what I needed to be said. The song is 'Nice' by THISWAY. the song's kinda fast, not too happy but nowhere near as depressing as all the others. If you can, I recommend you DL it even though the CD got horrible reviews.  
Thank You: Anyone who sent feedback  
  
Nice  
By. Kelly Mullins  
  
It's Sunday... I'm supposed to be on downtime, I guess I still am, I just like to oh I don't know, sleep in sometimes. But no, Jack called me at 0600 this morning and invited me to breakfast, I couldn't refuse my best friend so I called up Teal'c and Janet and inflicted the same early morning wake up call on them- Janet was already up, Teal'c I thought was going to try a Zat through the phone.   
So here I am at the restaurant, on time for once, and I'm the only one here, why do these fun things always happen to me? Finally Janet comes through the door and joins me at the large table, she has brought Teal'c as she said she would and I'm glad to see that the staff has stopped laughing over my invisible friends.  
"Did Colonel O'Neill say why he wanted to see us?"  
"No, he just said he wanted to share a meal and some news with his good friends." Teal'c processes this information while adjusting his baseball hat, he opens his mouth to speak but closes it as Sam and Jack walk through the doors holding hands. This *really* must have been one interesting weekend, last I saw them they wouldn't even look at one another.  
They join us, sitting next to each other in the booth across from us, his arm around her shoulder, well at least they're not trying to hide anything from us.   
  
*He's really nice but much too old for her, she didn't like to be that cruel, and if his scars had not shown through to her she might be labelled a fool.*  
  
I look at my best friend, he looks the happiest I've ever seen him, and he's relaxed... really relaxed. Somehow in the last two days he's found happiness, and by the way he's got his arm around Sam and lightly stroking her shoulder I'm pretty sure it's with her... if not I think I'm going to have to hang out on the ramp when the Stargate activates. Somehow Sam's been able to see past everything in Jack's former life and see exactly who he is, I've known him longer, but I think she knows him better than I do.  
  
*She's really nice but nice ain't every thing. She'd like a man to pull these strings, to loosen up every inch of her. She might be living her dreams*  
  
Looking at Sam I can tell she's finally gotten what she wants. Sam is one of the best people I know, constantly coming up with yet another way to save the planet- she deserves all the happiness she can find... I'm just glad she found it with Jack, because if she hadn't he'd have probably locked himself up in the woods and never come away from his cabin again.  
  
*They're really nice, they're really nice.  
It's really nice, falling into place, it's really nice to be heard.*  
  
"So Jack, what's up?" I ask, attempting to break the maddening silence that descended when Sam and he joined us at the table, the reason for our early-morning get-together blatantly obvious.  
"We felt that we owed you the benefit of knowing about 'us' before the rest of the base. We're going to tell Hammond about our 'romantic relationship' tomorrow morning, we're not going to hide this and allow SG-1 to suffer for our own duplicity just so that we can cover our own asses."  
"We also wanted you to know that we understand if you don't want to be implicated in this at all... there 'will' be a court martial and even being suspected of assisting us in hiding our relationship would look bad on any service record." Sam's speaking to Janet now, considering that Teal'c and I aren't in the military.   
  
*It's really nice, fall and fade away.  
I'm feeling low, I feel my insides burn, I'd like to take a chance with you now and if it could reconsider me. I'd be just for you. I'd be just for you. And really nice, and really nice.*  
  
Despite how incredibly serious the situation now is, I'm happy for Sam and Jack, they've been able to find happiness. Sam's still talking to Janet and I can tell she's assuring her that no mater what she'd support her friends. Janet really is an amazing woman, she's just told Sam that's she's willing to give up everything for her- her career, her military rank which she's worked so hard to gain; she claims that she is an MD and that she will still be able to support Cassandra. Cassandra is another thought, would they take her away? Janet did legally adopt her, but could the government manoeuvre it so that they could get her away? I won't let it happen, if it comes down to it we'll work something out... all five of us.  
  
*It's really nice, falling into place, it's really nice to be you, it's really nice fall and fade away.*  
  
We keep talking and somehow things start to make sense... we can get through this if we stick together. Janet looks to me and smiles a brilliant smile... I believe she is perhaps the only woman who I could come close to loving like I did Sha'uri. Sam and jack are happy, Teal'c has even pledged his support and claims to already be in preparation for the 'battle ahead'.   
  
*Wish everyone was just like me, wish everyone was what they seemed. Wish everyone took my advice, wish everyone was really nice.*  
  
Our plan: go in there as honest as possible, as blunt as possible, and as compliant as possible. If there's something any one of us can do to keep SG-1 intact then we'll do it. In the few minutes we've been sitting at this table we've all committed ourselves to this cause, whoever can be happy, will be happy. Friday Teal'c and I were afraid that our scheme to get our friends together had backfired and caused the downfall of SG-1, but alas, we were right in our reasoning that if given the proper opportunity and of course enough time for them to come to their senses they would take the gentle kick in the ass from us.   
  
*It's really nice, falling into place, it's really nice to be heard. It's really nice, fall and fade away.*  
  
This is it, we're going to do something that could either destroy SG-1 or cement its position in the SGC.  
END...SEND FEEDBACK! 


	7. Walk On

Title: Walk On  
Author: Kelly Mullins  
E-Mail: kelly.mullins@verizon.net  
Web: http://www.geocities.com/musicgrl72/kellyf.html  
Archive: SJ yes, Helio yes  
Rating: PG   
Spoilers: 1969  
Sequel: This is the Sequel to 'What Do I Have to Do?', 'Put Your Arms Around Me', 'I Want You', 'Sweetest Day', 'Fear', and 'Nice'.  
Summary: Is the SGC really all that you can't leave behind?  
Keywords: S/J Romance.. song fic... Sam's POV  
Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by U2  
Authors Notes: Song is Walk On by U2   
Thank You: Anyone who sent feedback  
  
Walk On  
By. Kelly Mullins  
  
Monday was a bust. I will always remember this day, we never should have come clean to Hammond. He just stood there looking for all the world like we had just announced we were going to blow up the base- and from the way he reacted we probably could have gotten off easier if we had. The good part- we were offered a deal to leave quietly and not have to face court-martial... the bad part- we would never be able to work with the SGC or the US Air Force again. This is not the way things were supposed to work out. So now while I collect my things from my lab and Jack clears out of his office it's all I can do to avoid our friends and try, futilely, not to cry.   
  
*And love  
Is not the easy thing  
The only baggage  
That you can bring  
Not the easy thing  
The only baggage you can bring  
Is all that you can't leave behind*  
  
I would never have imagined leaving the SGC would be this hard, I guess somewhere inside I thought I would live out my entire life in Cheyenne Mountain like Cassandra supposedly will. She told us that our journey was just beginning... that was only two years ago, she couldn't have meant this- the end of our careers, the loss of our best friends.  
  
*And if the darkness is to keep us apart  
And if the daylight feels like it's a long way off  
And if your glass heart should crack  
And for a second you turn back  
Oh no, be strong*  
  
General George Hammond- one of my father's best friends- did offer us the benefit of his silence if we could assure him that we would 'nip our relationship in the bud', I was surprised that even Daniel and Teal'c had opposed this idea, as Daniel put it everyone had been waiting for us to get together for far too long for us to just hide our feelings and pretend nothing ever happened between us.  
"Sam." I jump as Jack puts his hand on my shoulder. "Are you all right?"  
"Yeah, you just took me by surprise." I manage to give him a bright smile.   
"Sorry, I just came to see if you're ready to go."  
"Yes, just help me toss the rest of this stuff into this box?"  
"Sure. So... you having second thoughts?"  
"Yes, aren't you?"  
"Just wondering if I'm alone." He gives me a quick hug before closing the last box.  
"No, never alone Jack, I just never thought we'd be leaving this place... especially with no hope of coming back."  
  
*Walk on  
Walk on  
What you got, they can't steal it  
No they can't even feel it  
Walk on  
Walk on  
Stay safe tonight*  
  
We leave the safety of my lab to walk through the corridors. Since this time yesterday, when we told our final decision to General Hammond, all of the vultures of the SGC have fallen on the news of our departure and dissected it like the feinds most of them are. They watch us with open interest... like they expect us to fall on one another and make love right there in the corridor.  
  
*You're packing a suitcase for a place  
None of us has been  
A place that has to be believed  
To be seen*  
  
The problem with leaving the SGC is that everyone's so close, you never make any outside friends, and therefore leaving takes a lot of guts. Living on the outside is especially hard for someone who has been on the inside for so long they've forgotten that the whole world doesn't revolve around this giant circle and the war with the Goa'uld.  
  
*You could have flown away  
A singing bird  
In an open cage  
Who will only fly  
Only fly for freedom  
Walk on  
Walk on  
What you got  
You can't deny it  
Can't sell it or buy it  
Walk on  
Walk on  
You stay safe tonight*  
  
Maybe I should have left a long time ago. But there was never a good time, when I first started there it was a challenge and then after I missed the Abydos mission I hung around because I wanted to be there for the next one, and then after I went I became part of SG-1 and that was more important than anything else. Now I know I should still be there... but things would be too complicated, we would have let ourselves down and everyone else, we would always want to be with the other and I don't think we would be able to live with everyone constantly looking at us waiting for us to slip up.  
  
*And I know it aches  
How your heart it breaks  
You can only take so much  
Walk on  
Walk on*  
  
Our friends join us at the elevator, Jack puts an arm around me and Daniel does the same to Janet as the tears in her eyes slowly start to slide out. They all help us out to Jack's truck and as we pile our boxes in the back I can't help but wonder what's in store for Daniel and Teal'c now that the two military members of SG-1 are gone. I'm assuming they're going to be reassigned to other SG teams, I still have a lot of faith in General Hammond, that he'll keep Daniel and Teal'c away from anyone who would harm either of them in the US government.  
  
*Home  
Hard to know what it is  
If you never had one  
Home  
I can't say where it is  
But I know I'm going  
Home*  
  
Jack is all I've got left now, oh I know our friends will never give up on us, but things are going to be different without seeing everyone else every day. Everyone has been given strict orders not to inform us of anything that's going on inside the SGC. So, why would we give up our entire lives on a romance that's only been going on for five days? Because it's the right thing to do, that's why, everything would be too different if we had tried to do it any other way, and now we're going to embark on a new adventure, stripped of rank and any other guiding principals we've got to make it on our own and that's all there is to it.  
  
*That's where the hurt is  
And I know it aches  
And your heart it breaks  
You can only take so much  
Walk on  
Leave it behind  
You've got to leave it behind*  
  
All we really get to bring with us are memories, and I'm sure if there were some way to wipe our memories they'd take those too. All of my research and years of work on the reactor and countless other artefacts are still in my lab, now in the clutches of someone who won't be able to do the job half as well as I could, not because I'm better than them, simply because I have been there throughout this entire thing.   
  
*All that you fashion  
All that you make  
All that you build  
All that you break  
All that you measure  
All that you feel  
All this you can leave behind*  
  
There is no way we'll ever be able to leave the SGC completely. We built the place, it's as much a part of us as we are of it; and somehow I highly doubt that after all the memories and years of hard work that's it's as purely simple as walking away.   
  
End 


	8. Be A Man

Title: Be A Man   
Author: Kelly Mullins   
E-Mail: kelly.mullins@verizon.net   
Web: http://www.geocities.com/musicgrl72/kellyf.html   
Archive: SJ yes, Helio yes  
Rating: PG13   
Spoilers: Small one for 1st Commandment and Small Victories.   
Sequel: This is the Sequel to 'What Do I Have to Do?', 'Put Your Arms Around Me', 'I Want You', 'Sweetest Day', 'Fear', 'Nice', and 'Walk On'   
Summary: A year later something goes wrong... but are things always as they seem?   
Keywords: S/J Romance.. serious angst... song fic... Sam's POV   
Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by Aqua   
Authors Notes: Song is Be A Man by Aqua. Yeah I do know that Sam had the last part but I promise Jack has the next one... okay? I just felt that effect should come before cause this time... and yes this is depressing... but the next one isn't so much... they'll get better from now on I swear!   
Thank You: Anyone who sent feedback   
  
Be A Man   
By. Kelly Mullins   
  
*The world is quiet,   
like there's no one around,   
but I feel you beside me.   
I know the secrets,   
you keep locked away inside,   
don't understand, why you are fighting.*   
  
I once thought that if we ever went on another mission it would be wonderful, the four of us together again, doing our duty just like the old days... but I guess that dream that was spawned more than a year ago will never be a reality. True we're on a mission, true it's just the four of us, but there's something missing... and that something is everything that SG-1 once was. The four of us sit around our camp fire, none of us willing to look the others in the eye; we all know what's happened to make SG-1 whole again after an entire year of separation- sadly Jack and my break-up is also what is making SG-1 so hard to cope with.   
  
*I know, she must be special,   
this new girl by your side,   
I seek for answers, when I look into your eyes,   
And he turns, so I can't, but I will be strong.*   
  
None of us speak... we all need to eat and sleep, otherwise we'd be getting this entire mission over with as soon as possible to be in each other's presence for the least amount of time necessary to do our jobs. Anyways I'm sure the 'Colonel' would like to get home to his girlfriend, Lydia. I can't believe that after our year of hell and working ourselves to death that he would just move out to be with another woman, someone he supposedly met at work, a job that he had to beg to get, his dream job that we spent hours talking about, dammit he left me for some elementary school teacher the day after he proposed to me, I was actually happy two weeks later when SG-1 was called back to the SGC because it meant that he wouldn't be with her 24 hours a day everyday.   
"Okay, bed down guys," Jack stands from his spot beside me- most likely the best spot for both of us to avoid each other. "Teal'c you've got first watch, Carter second, I'll take third, and Danny you're fourth." He looks to each of us as he says our names- I guess months of working with small children have given him this, but when he meets my eyes he looks away so quickly it's as if I physically hit him- which I did... three weeks ago.   
  
*For once in your life, be a man,   
just tell me the words, 'cause I know   
that you can, don't leave me with scars,   
that no one can heal.   
For once in your life - be a man.*   
  
Jack seems to run to his sleeping bag, avoiding me, even placing it at the opposite end of our camp from where my bag is, nice to know that he's as afraid of me as I am of him... he embarrassed me, I gave up everything for him and then he left me to do everything that was so hard with just the two of us alone.   
  
*You made me love you,   
love you right from the start.   
You're controlling my heart, babe.   
Don't pack your bags yet.   
Give me time to say goodbye.*   
  
Why Jack O'Neill? That's a question I've been asked a million times and asked myself a million times in return. When we first met I thought it was because he reminded me of Jonas- the good side of that man, but then as I slowly got to know him things changed and when we made the decision to leave the SGC we did it together, and when we got jobs on our own we decided on things together and cheered each other on, but when we went back to the SGC it was alone... and everyone knew it, they all knew the terms of our leaving and the terms of our return.   
  
*Just don't leave me wounded.   
No, I just hope you will regret the things you do   
Come back to me,   
'cause our love is the real thing.   
And it hurts like hell but I will be strong.*   
  
It's impossible to be happy about the circumstances that brought us all back together, death is never a happy thing, but I'm thankful to have the support my friends in the SGC give me. There's something to be said for some nice solid ground to rest your head on, especially after spending three weeks on an Asgard ship... zipping around the galaxy on 'the Carter' was fun, as was being commander of 'the Carter', but having to watch Jack's backside the entire time he was commander of the Asgard fleet was not. The 'Thor' was a big ship, not as big as 'the O'Neill' was before I blew it up, but still it was much more impressive than 'the Carter', 'the Jackson', or 'the Teal'c'- the other three ships that now make up the entire Asgard fleet... the fleet that the illustrious Colonel Jack O'Neill is now commander of.   
  
*For once in your life, be a man,   
just tell me the words, 'cause I know that you can,   
Don´t leave me with scars,   
that no one can heal.   
For once in your life - be a man.   
I knew that I,   
I fought to keep our love strong.   
If you leave me now,   
you come running back for more, babe.   
And I hope for, and I wish for,   
and I pray, that the words from your mouth can,   
eventually make you a man.*   
  
I don't sleep very well, just like I haven't slept very well for the last five weeks since I last shared a bed with Jack. He never gave me an explanation for what he did, I just came home from work one day to find that he'd packed his stuff and then he told me about Lydia- I cried and he even had the audacity to apologise for hurting me... like his making love with me in the morning and then picking up another woman a couple of hours later was perfectly fine in his eyes, of course it seemed fine in everyone else's eyes too... I never heard any of our friends say anything negative to him about his behaviour or about leaving me for Lydia or anything. I think if he would just tell me something about how all of this happened I'd feel better, just knowing where I went wrong with him would be nice, but I guess that considering SG-1 is still the only fleet the Asgard have we'll not be talking for a while, unless he decides to say something before we head back to our ships tomorrow morning.   
  
*For once in your life,   
be a man.   
When everything stops...   
...for a minute in your life,   
I'll hope that,   
For once in your life, be a man   
be a man.   
Just tell me the words, 'cause I know that you can,   
Don't leave me with scars,   
that no one can heal.*   
  
After Teal'c wakes me for my watch I not only watch our surroundings but Jack as well... the strong arms that held me every night for an entire year, and those lips that I've kissed thousands of times are now only painful memories because I know another woman is getting that pleasure from him and I only hope she has some fraction of the knowledge of how important those caresses of his are. Soon it's time for his watch and I can't bring myself to wake him up, I haven't even seen the man in three weeks and then I'm asked to wake him up? Some times life isn't fair. Soon I've woken him up, and very nearly given him a heart attack... I guess he wasn't expecting to see me first thing after opening his eyes any more. Soon we're both sitting back by the fire, only this time he chances sitting across from me as he drinks his coffee.   
"Aren't you going back to sleep?"   
"No."   
"No?"   
"What do you want? A 'no Sir'?"   
"No, I was just wondering why the hell not."   
"Because I don't feel like it... because when I close my eyes I don't sleep, all I can do is think. I want answers 'Sir', I want to know how the hell all of this happened, why you can be so perfectly happy while I'm going through hell, I'm so sick of this run around Jack."   
"You know how things got like this... Thor's dead Carter, the fleet was mostly destroyed, four ships left with no one to pilot them, the Asgard wanted SG-1 to take over, and we did, end of story."   
"Oh so Lydia was just part of Thor's death? Of yes, I can definitely see the SGC's use for an elementary school teacher." I say bitterly, he looks away from me quickly before hanging his head. "I want to know why her and not me, I want to know how I've been engaged to two men and I've gotten married to neither of them... I just want to know what's so wrong with me, can you tell me that Jack? Because you're the only one left who knows."   
  
*For once in your life - be a man.   
Be a man.   
Tell me the words.   
Once in your life.   
Be a man.   
Tell me the words.*   
  
He looks up and into my eyes, full on for the first time in five weeks, I know that look and there I see all the answer I ever needed... there's something up, and it goes beyond his relationship with Lydia or our former relationship- he was left without any options... I just wish I knew why.   
End!   
?? 


	9. Everything's Gonna Be All Right

Title: Everything's Gonna Be All Right   
Author: Kelly Mullins   
E-Mail: kelly.mullins@verizon.net   
Web: http://www.geocities.com/musicgrl72/kellyf.html   
Archive: SJ yes, Helio yes  
Rating: PG13   
Spoilers: Small Victories, 5th Race, Thor's Chariot   
Sequel: This is the Sequel to 'What Do I Have to Do?', 'Put Your Arms Around Me', 'I Want You', 'Sweetest Day', 'Fear', 'Nice', 'Walk On', and 'Be A Man'   
Summary: Something went wrong, but what happened?   
Keywords: S/J Romance... angst... song fic... Jack's POV   
Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by Sweetbox   
Authors Notes: Song is Everything's Gonna Be All Right by Sweetbox and yeah I know it doesn't completely fit... but hey if you don't know what the song's really about can't you find my meaning in it? Yes this is depressing... they'll get better from now on I swear! **Flashbacks** *Song*   
Thank You: Anyone who sent feedback   
  
Everything's Gonna Be All Right   
By. Kelly Mullins   
  
*Who ever thought the sun will come crashing down   
My life in flames   
My tears complete the pain   
We fear the end, the dark as deep as river bed*   
  
To me it's hard to see how I've lived though the last five weeks. Lying to Sam, seeing her hurt, is the hardest thing I've ever done, but there really are things more important than our happiness. We now have the entire fate of not only Earth but of all the Asgard too. You know it must be pretty bad when the 'youngest' world in the universe is given command of the Asgard fleet.   
  
*My book of life incomplete without you here   
Alone I sit and reminisce sometimes   
I miss your touch, Your kiss, your smile   
And meanwhile you know I never cry   
'Cause deep down inside you know our love will never ever die*   
  
I miss Sam every night, and every day, it was hard going in to work and seeing Lydia for those two weeks before we were 'officially' recalled, to know that I was using her, and even worse using her to break Sam's heart... but there was really no other way. Sam wants answers now that I can't give, answers to questions I don't even know myself.   
** It was Friday afternoon when Daniel came to me, I was just sending one of my second grade classes off to lunch.   
"Danny, glad you're here, sit down, take a load off."   
"Jack, we need you." Daniel says, getting right to the point. "The SGC needs you."   
"What do you mean? The SGC said we would never work with them again."   
"I was sent here to persuade you to come back."   
"We've worked so hard this last year Daniel, we've been struggling just to have food on the table, do you have any idea how hard it is when you've had a dishonourable discharge from the Air Force? We're just now getting enough money to pay back our debts."   
"Jack, Thor's dead." That got my attention.** Those three words turned my world upside down, as did the rest of Daniel's story.   
**"When?"   
"The Asgard didn't say; they asked for our help Jack, and Sam's."   
"Look Daniel, we're barely surviving out here, if we go back now we'll lose our jobs."   
"Is that all you care about? Your jobs? The Jack O'Neill I know wouldn't talk like that, you and Sam made a hard decision, a decision that, in my opinion, was the right one. The government is scared Jack, since SG-1 was broken up things with the Goa'uld have gone from bad to worse, the Asgard were our only defence against an all out planetary attack, and now they have no one left to command their fleet, with Thor over half of the Asgard died, the ones left aren't military."**   
  
*Everything's gonna be all right   
Everything's gonna be OK   
Everything's gonna be all right   
Together we can take this one day at a time   
Can you take my breath away?   
Can you give him life today?   
Is everything gonna be OK?*   
  
And so the plan came out... the plan that it seemed the entire SGC and Pentagon had all come up with, I don't know why they went to all the trouble when it probably would have been easier to get some white-out and change the regulations. Somehow they got me to go stupidly along with it, all in the name of saving the planet... again.   
  
*I'll be your strength   
I'll be here when you wake up   
Take your time   
And I'll be here when you wake up   
I never thought my heart will miss a single beat   
Caress your hand as I watch you while you sleep   
So smooth*   
  
I'd do anything to go back to how things were, I think this time I may have hurt Sam worse than I ever have before and I'm not sure she'll let me make it up to her. So right now all I can do is just be there... keep her and 'the Carter' safe from the Replicators and the Goa'uld and any other bad-ass enemies the Asgard may have.   
  
*I weep as I search within   
To find a cure to bring you back again   
And the sun will rise   
Open up your eyes   
Surprised just a blink Of an eye   
I try, I try to be positive   
You're a fighter so fight   
Wake up and live*   
  
I've thought about ways to get us out of this, some magical way to take out the Goa'uld and the Replicators at once... like putting them all on one ship and letting them battle it out, but there's nothing conceivable I can come up with. We're currently trying to forge an alliance with the Furlings and then head out in search of the Ancients. The 'Thor' is equipped with one of those cool de-Goa'ulders but even those just transport the Goa'uld half way across the galaxy only succeeding in pissing them off even more. What I would really like more than anything is to just have one of those Superman moments with Sam, when Superman takes Lois Lane up into space and it's all silent and there's just nothing there but the two of them, of course we'd both be dead if we were just hanging out in space... but it's just the thought of there not being another care in the world at that moment that's so appealing.   
  
*Everything's gonna be all right   
Everything's gonna be OK   
Everything's gonna be all right   
Together we can take this one day at a time   
Can you take my breath away?   
Can you give him life today?   
Is everything gonna be OK?*   
  
If Thor were still alive we would still be at home enjoying our normalcy, and letting everyone else fight for Earth's freedom. It's hard most days to just talk to Carter about where we're taking the Asgard fleet through those little hologram thingies, I usually have to pass the info on to Daniel or Teal'c and then have them report to Sam. I like that we have our own ships to keep us away from each other because I know that if I had to spend more than one night anywhere near her every three weeks or so I know I'd give myself away and she'd know that there never was anything with Lydia and that I'm going back on everything that we decided when we left the SGC.   
  
*Everything's gonna be all right   
I'd give my life to only see you breathe again   
Hand in hand as we walk on the white sands   
To hear your voice   
Rejoice as you rise and say   
This is the day that I wake pray OK   
Today's silence as time just moves on*   
  
Thankfully morning comes and we know we get to go back to our own ships, the Furlings never arrived and our hopes have been dashed... we were told that this was where we'd find them, well actually they'd find us, if we waited around long enough. Teal'c's ship 'beams' him up first, followed by 'the Jackson' wanting Daniel ASAP, which leaves me and Carter, the two highest ranking officials of the Asgard fleet, way more powerful than the USAF by the way, standing around waiting for our ships to get around to noticing it's time for us to come home.   
  
*You can't hear it though   
But I'm playing my favourite songs   
I miss you much   
I wish you'd come back to me   
You see I waited lifetime   
'Cause you're my destiny   
Everything's gonna be all right   
Everything's gonna be OK   
Everything's gonna be all right   
Together we can take this one day at a time*   
  
I was allowed one year of heaven with Carter, maybe that's all I'm allowed to have, of course I don't like to think of it that way, but I have enough memories of that time when we were together to keep myself comfortable late at night when I'm able to imagine we're still together and she's by my side.   
"More searching 'eh?" I ask oddly as we just stand around not looking at one another.   
"Yes Sir."   
"We'll find them soon, either that or we'll just head out in search of the Ancients without them."   
"Three weeks, three months, three years." She states. "When will we give up? We're not going to have anything left to go home to, everyone will have given us up." She looks at me with hurt in her eyes... ah Lydia again.   
"There's nothing at home I need, it's all right here. It's always been right here." I say before kissing her like I did in the old days, before I was forced into this lie and wild goose chase. "We'll never give up our search, and when we find someone to save us we'll go home, retire again, and be unspoken heroes." I kiss her again and this time she responds by wrapping her arms around me. I never want to let her go, but war calls, as do our ships, and our duty to our planet and all those depending on us comes first.   
END!!   
?? 


	10. Kryptonite

Title: Kryptonite   
Author: Kelly Mullins   
E-Mail: kelly.mullins@verizon.net   
Web: http://www.geocities.com/musicgrl72/kellyf.html   
Archive: SJ yes, Helio yes  
Rating: PG13   
Spoilers: All small- Nox, and just know about the Tollan, Tok'ra and Asgard.   
Sequel: This is the Sequel to 'What Do I Have to Do?', 'Put Your Arms Around Me', 'I Want You', 'Sweetest Day', 'Fear', 'Nice', 'Walk On', 'Be A Man', and 'Everything's Gonna Be All Right'.   
Summary: Wars make for great songs don't they?   
Keywords: S/J Romance... song fic... Jack's POV   
Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by 3 Doors Down   
Authors Notes: Song is Kryptonite by 3 Doors Down. I know that I said that the last one would be the actual *last one* but were you really satisfied with that?   
Thank You: Anyone who sent feedback   
  
Kryptonite   
By. Kelly Mullins   
  
*I took a walk around the world to   
ease my troubled mind   
I left my body lying somewhere   
in the sands of time   
I watched the world float to the dark   
side of the moon   
I feel there is nothing I can do.*   
  
I can tell now that sleeping is going to be pretty damn near impossible. So I kissed her... I've done it thousands of times before, and yeah this one was pretty good, but come on it was kind of a let down, I was expecting to do it and then for her to slug me or something. And ya know what, I would have deserved it too... who knows, maybe she was planning on slugging me one, but I guess we'll never know considering both of us were beamed up to our ships only milli-seconds later.   
  
*I watched the world float to the   
dark side of the moon   
After all I knew it had to be something   
to do with you   
I really don't mind what happens now and then   
As long as you'll be my friend at the end*   
  
Things in our neck of the galaxy are getting pretty bad, Daniel and Sam once told me about a pit-stop they made in a 'bad neighbourhood' and from what they said I think Earth has moved into the slums... or the slums have moved to Earth. The planet is constantly being approached by errant Goa'uld in search of an easy conquer. They're a very opportunistic race, since the demise of the Asgard became common knowledge all of the planets under their protection have been under constant attack, usually it's from Goa'uld with few or no Jaffa and we can knock them out in one strike... but then you get the little engines that could and they just keep coming back for more and we keep coming back for more, mamma said there'll be days like this, I just hope they won't last much longer though because I've got quite a lot of things to clear up with Carter.   
  
*If I go crazy then will you still   
call me Superman   
If I'm alive and well, will you be   
there holding my hand   
I'll keep you be my side with   
my superhuman might   
Kryptonite*   
  
It's been two weeks since I've seen Carter, all at once everything changed... all of those little unimportant Goa'uld banded together and then decided to attack various planets throughout Earth's galaxy and Asgard galaxy (I'M not even gonna try and pronounce it). I was left with no choice but to send Carter and Daniel and Teal'c all off on their own, even with the Tok'ra joining the effort with their own ships and the ones the remaining Asgards were putting out as fast as they could, Earth still took a pretty good beating from orbit. Thankfully everyone in the various Earth governments decided to get along for once and the Russians told their people that the Americans were firing at them and the US told their people the Russians were firing at them... the other governments of the world starting telling yarns in the same fashion, it's good to know that the poorer the Goa'uld the less Death Gliders they have... in the case of Earth there were no death gliders attacking. And I was there, in the middle of it all, commanding the ever-growing Asgard-Earth-Tok'ra fleet.   
  
*You called me strong, you called me weak,   
but still your secrets I will keep   
You took for granted all the times I've   
never let you down   
You stumbled in and bumped your head, if   
not for me then you'd be dead   
I picked you up and put you back   
on solid ground*   
  
Today 'the Carter' was nearly destroyed when she somehow got herself surrounded by four Goa'uld ships. I almost had a heart attack, 'the Thor' was pretty far away when we received her distress call, you've never seen scary until you've seen a holographic Sam ducking and wavering as the Goa'uld fired on her ship. Somehow, whether it be an act of God (*the* God) or my constant urging of my Asgard crew, we were able to get there in time to scare away the baddies and save the day. Unfortunately we weren't allowed the luxury of even seeing each other in person as we soon had to rush off to another corner of the Galaxy to save Daniel's butt, seems ganging up is becoming a popular past-time of the Goa'uld.   
  
*If I go crazy then will you still   
call me Superman   
If I'm alive and well, will you be   
there holding my hand   
I'll keep you by my side with my   
superhuman might   
Kryptonite*   
  
Another month straight since I last saw any other member of SG-1, we're actually so far out of range that we're having to go through intermediaries on the Asgard home world to relay our messages through their more powerful transmitters. It's getting frustrating... so far we've lost three ships, all Tok'ra of Goa'uld design, but they were not all piloted by Tok'ra, some of the Asgard, while not being able to touch their own technology, can fly a Goa'uld ship like an expert. And I hate to say it but right now we need to keep all the Asgard alive that we can, their numbers are getting a little too low for my tastes, these little guys certainly have developed a knack for getting themselves bumped off.   
  
*If I go crazy then will you still   
call me Superman   
If I'm alive and well, will you be   
there holding my hand   
I'll keep you by my side with my   
superhuman might   
Kryptonite*   
  
I finally get to see Carter today. We've holding a covert meeting of the Asgard-Earth-Tok'ra-Tollan-Nox alliance in some of those cool Tok'ra tunnels. Seems that the Nox are starting to take an interest in us, they're happy about our teamwork, but they still don't want to take an active role in the fighting- that doesn't mean that they're not willing to give our alliance some suggestions though. The Tollan were one of the most important members of our alliance, they not only have good defences but they also have some pretty awesome ships. Thankfully I am the Commander of our collective fleet and I was able to assign Narim to Daniel's quadrant of our protective area way far away from Sammie.   
"Sam, care to come aboard my ship?" I ask her as we head out of the Tok'ra council chambers.   
"Sure... sure." She says with a timid smile before giving her father a quick nod and coming back to me again, as soon as the Tok'ra joined us I made sure Jacob was in Sam's quadrant, and while he is higher ranking than her in the US Air Force she is still his commander, and I think they're both enjoying this role reversal.   
"So..." She says as we're beamed on-board 'the Thor'. "Wow... this is...big!" She exclaims and I smile.   
"That's right, you've never been on my ship before have you?"   
"No Sir, I've never been on 'the Jackson' or 'the Teal'c' before either."   
"Man this war sucks, we can't even show off our cool ships to each other." She gives a small giggle before straightening up as I lead her to my quarters.   
"We're not going to be eating Asgard food are we? That's all we had to eat on my ship for weeks until I was able to find someone to reprogram our food processors."   
"Nah, I'm the Commander of the Asgard fleet, remember? I get what ever I want." And with that dinner began.   
  
*If I go crazy then will you still   
call me Superman   
If I'm alive and well, will you be   
there holding my hand   
I'll keep you by my side with my   
superhuman might   
Kryptonite*   
  
"I'm sorry Sam, I really really am." I say as I finish my confession of what the Government asked me to do and what I followed through with.   
"I don't get it, you decided to start following orders 'after' you left the Air Force?"   
"Well technically I was recalled, so I was a Colonel with all the bells and whistles again."   
"But you still could have told me, we could have worked something out, we could have lied- we've done it before. You didn't have to make up a story about another woman to break my heart. Jack, I don't know if I'll be able to get past this."   
"Listen Sam, three months ago I made one of the stupidest decisions of my life, I went along with a hair-brained scheme to get us both back into the Air Force, and in the process I not only hurt you but I also hurt myself, and let me just say that while I know my feelings are nowhere near as important as yours, I still miss you. I love you Sam, and I just wish that I could hold you every night and kiss you every morning and make love with you whenever we want... but if I hadn't made this decision this damn war still would have happened only Earth would have been destroyed, probably us along with it." She looks at me for a moment before standing and walking to tower over me, and then she slugs me.   
  
*If I go crazy then will you still   
call me Superman   
If I'm alive and well, will you be   
there holding my hand   
I'll keep you by my side with my   
superhuman might   
Kryptonite*   
  
"dammit Jack! Don't you *ever* do that again!" She says before grabbing my hand and pulling me up next to her. "I'm just guessing that we're going to disobey orders solely on the basis that we're more powerful than the ones issuing those orders." She states.   
"No," I answer taking her face in my hands. "We're going to do it because they never had the right to ask us to follow those orders in the first place." My face hurts, and I know that I'll have one hell of a bruise in the morning, but tonight I've got Sam, and I've also got the knowledge that on this journey we've got each other's backs for good.   
END...and this time I really really hope that's true.   
?? 


	11. Take A Look

Title: Take a Look

Author: Kelly Mullins

E-Mail: kelly. http/ PG

Spoilers: Into the Fire, The Devil You Know

Sequel: This is the Sequel to 'What Do I Have to Do?', 'Put Your Arms Around Me', 'I Want You', 'Sweetest Day', 'Fear', 'Nice', 'Walk On', 'Be A Man', 'Everything's Gonna Be All Right' and 'Kryptonite'

Summary: Tragedy strikes... can SG-1 survive?

Keywords: (minor) character death, angst, SJ

Disclaimer: I can promise you I don't own SG-1 or anything by Liz Phair

Authors Notes: Song is Take a Look by Liz Phair. I know that I said that the last two were the last of the series and if you don't want to read on that's perfectly fine with me… I just needed something to write to get me back in the groove so I can finish the fic I've had written on paper for a year now.

Archive: Take it... S/J, Helio, SJFic.

Dedication: (Old School) LM for sharing her fun stuff with me, Lucy for being around to talk to me every day, and Flo... for just being Flo.

Take a Look

By. Kelly Mullins

I don't know what you're after

Wanna know all the details of my disaster

Like an accident on the side of the road

And you're driving past slow

But there's nothing to see here

My dad's dead. That single sentence, only three short words, have changed my life forever within a couple seconds. My father's ship was in front of 'the Carter,' providing the kind of close quartered defenses the Asgard ships are normally somewhat short on, and then, as I was watching on the view screen, his ship just exploded as the Goa'uld got off a lucky shot, or unlucky depending on your allegiances.

Everyone in the fleet keeps sending their condolences, even Jack, but I can't take it. Especially pity from the man I love, I lost almost my entire segment of the fleet, some commander I am, huh?

As usual when you suffer heavy causalities in war, personnel from 'the Jackson,' 'the Teal'c,' and 'the Thor' were reallocated to fill in for my deceased units, more doomed people coming in under my command.

You wanna take a look

Take a look

You wanna take look

Take a look

The first day I was able to escape my subordinates after the barrage of attacks that killed almost everyone we had come to depend so closely on was the day I ran to my quarters to try and get some rest and grieve for my father, it was also the day the sympathy started pouring in.

"Sam?" Jack startled me, lost as I was in thought and remorse.

"Jack? I thought you were helping with the clean up?"

"I came to find you. I'm sorry I wasn't here." To my already befuddled mind these words are of little comfort, and neither is what is supposed to be a comforting hand on my back.

"Jack, you were doing what you're supposed to do. I couldn't take care of my people and that's my fault, I'm the one that's not a good commander; my people died out there because I couldn't see the Goa'uld coming." I lash out.

"Don't think like that Sam, that wasn't your fault."

"My father's dead Jack! How am I supposed to tell my brother that? How am I supposed to tell General Hammond that I couldn't even keep watch over a few ships without getting everyone killed?" He didn't respond, probably as shocked by my tone as I was, all I heard was a softly murmured 'I love you' on the way out of my quarters.

I am some kind of freak now

and you'll never see me the same

What's all the fuss about

Are you sure you wanna find out

Cause once you know the truth

You might wish you'd walked away

I manage to go two months without having to converse with any of the former members of SG-1, Jack especially; my former lover is not someone I want to receive anything other than orders from any longer.

Jack does finally manage to corner me on the bridge of 'the Carter' – we were docked together for a 'meeting' with all of the leaders of the fleet and the various alien races involved in the epic struggle. Man, it was starting to sound too much like Star Wars.

"Sam." Is all he says at first, when I turn to look he looks horrible, pale and lanky, even for him. "We need to talk, I know there's something wrong."

Wanna take a look

Take a look

Wanna take a look

Take a look

"Something wrong? What makes you think that? The fact that my father is dead? The fact that we're probably never going to make it back to Earth because there are more of the enemy then there are of us? Or the fact that if we do get to Earth again it's going to be back to business as usual?" I feel hopeless, the entire situation seems hopeless to me, even my Asgard engineers seem depressed with how I've been handling their lives.

"Sam, you know how bad I feel about Dad, and when we get back to Earth I was kinda planning on us getting married and picking up right where we left off." Marriage? Woah, I hadn't been expecting that one, it's probably just my reward for surviving this war.

"I'm sorry Jack, maybe by the time we get back to Earth things'll be better, but right now I just can't see us continuing our relationship." I leave him, going instead to cry my eyes out like the girl I am unfortunately finding myself to be.

What if I'm not able

To put my cards on the table

And would it liberate you

If you knew, what I knew

Daniel comes to me next, asking if there is anything he and the crew of 'the Daniel' can do to assist 'the Carter' in any way. I tell him no, I don't need the help of the rest of the fleet... though we do use their protection when we dock for a short time for some serious repairs.

"Sam, this isn't healthy." Daniel's holographic image tells me in my quarters. "We've been through this stuff together before, why not let us comfort you now, why not let Jack comfort you right now Sam? You need it and he definitely needs it, did you know he was injured last week?" At this my head shoots up to look his hologram in the face. "Yeah, he didn't want the lower ranks within the fleet to know that the Supreme Commander had been injured."

"What happened Daniel?" I ask, sighing slightly, knowing that he's broken through my last barriers, the three words I dread most now are: Jack is dead.

"You know 'the Thor' takes more of a serious beating than we do, it's what, three times the size of the three of us 'minor ships'? Well, someone got a hold of an older mother ship and began firing and part of 'the Thor' buckled and unfortunately Jack was under it, broke his collar bone and his right arm, luckily it wasn't his neck."

"I can't do this any more Daniel. I can't keep coming close to nearly wiping out the Replicators and the Goa'uld only to have them pop up and kill good people for no reason whatsoever. How is Jack doing?" My abrupt change of topic was due to my realizing that I have the tendency to ramble when I'm stressed.

"Jack claims he's sore, from what the Asgard tell me he will be fully healed, it's just going to hurt like a mother for a while." Daniel said with a smile in his voice, finally reading my thoughts for the first time in months.

It's been over a year now

And I never saw him again

The facts and the fiction collide as the bodies untangle

And the traffic moves on like it did

Three days later I am finally on board 'the Thor,' I find Jack asleep in his quarters, one arm resting on his chest, the other at his side, apparently that collar bone is still hurting him.

"Jack." I say gently, my lips softly at his ear. "I'm sorry Jack, I lied to you, I love you."

"Sam, you're actually here..." He tried to move over and I winced with him as he remembered his mending bones.

"I was wrong. We don't know where we're going to be tomorrow or next year even. I love you Jack, and I think we should go ahead and get married. It may not be the marital bliss we were fighting so hard for, but it would be something to hold on to, and I know the rest of the fleet wouldn't oppose it." We smiled dumbly at each other knowing that 'the rest of the fleet' was lead by Daniel and Teal'c, they already knew that Jack would send me into danger just as much as he would them. Jack captured my mouth in a searing kiss and I knew we would be the married couple we wanted to be, even if we had to coordinate two Asgard vessels to accommodate us.

Wanna take a look

Take A look

Wanna take a look

Take A look

End... Feedback please :-)


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